The past week for me has been testing.
My great grandfather passed away Tuesday morning. Before his death my family were spending almost every day at the hospital. I put off school work and social life to spend time with a man that I thought I knew. But seeing him like that – all skin and bones, slowly dying – I felt like I was looking into a strangers eyes.
I don’t think I really ever understood how much time gets taken up after someone dies. Every time I’ve experienced it I was either to young to understand or I wasn’t involved in the process. Now all I see is my family is all running around trying to get things done, while I’m still in shock.
Through this all I’ve started to feel some guilt because I find myself going on about my graduation to my family, while they are all distracted by great gpa’s passing.
I question myself. Does it make me a bad person that I’m trying to move on and be happy and excited about my future, or should I linger on the feelings of sadness?
Due to this conflicted wash of emotions, my stress levels have sky rocketed causing me to be a complete mess. I’m keep messing things up and having to attempt to fix them. Except its like I have taken a roll of duct tape and taped a crack in the sidewalk. As if that would work.
All I can say right now is that I am glad it is Friday. I look towards next week hoping things will start to go back to normal and I will have better idea of how I really should be feeling.
